Lost in translation

You can feel their eyes buring a hole in the back of your head as you scurry past. Their grimmaced smiles not the least bit inviting, scaring children, causing car accidents as motorists let go of their steering wheels to cover their eyes.

It's election time, but what if instead of the usual shite the posters were actually truthful, so we got our heads together and translated election posters for you.

What if election posters told the truth?

Alliance - National Origami Competition Sponors

Still wheeling out John Hume for credibility

Who's your Daddy?

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Who was that masked man?

Mike shoulda kept the day job!

Ni & nothing much else

Hardcore Harry from Holywood

Environmentally friendly bullshit!

Anybody got an anadin?

Just ask Sammy Wilson!

Protected Species... Do not disturb!

Don't feed the $hinner!

Top $hinner $ean '$pike' Murray  was accused on BBC Spotlight of being the brains behind a Provo gun running scheme, this was after the $hinners had not only signed up to the principles of non violence, this was after the Good Friday Agreement was signed.

In a statement, Mr Murray told the BBC programme he had never been questioned about the smuggling claims by detectives and that he was committed to peace.

"The regurgitation of these allegations will not deflect me, as intended, from pursuing my political aspirations through my work either in the assembly or at community level on a daily basis," the statement said.

The funny thing is that Murray seems to equate not being questioned by the peelers over the gun smuggling as some sort of evidence he wasn't involved.

No Hopers!

Oddly enough despite being a self confessed PIRA and OIRA member,  pictured holding a gun, and being one of the last people to have spoken to Derry man Frank Hegarty before he was found dead Martin McGuinness has never had his collar felt by the peelers.

Martin in the good 'ol IRA

The DUP say they are looking for answers from the peelers, bottom line is that you know and I know that Murray & McGuinness won't be touched, unlike a fella in Derry who answered a cop using the Irish language and now faces terrorism charges.

Truly an island of equals with parity of esteem for all, as long as you're in $inn Fein.

The strength of his convictions, the reason for his lack of convictions?

On UTV live Broadcast at 6pm on 7 April it showed footage of Martin McGuinness speaking outside the Bloody Sunday Inquiry. McGuinness said 'I would rather die than disrupt, or destroy my code of honour to the IRA'

A quick search on the Cain website at the University of Ulster and you can find the 'Green Book', this is the IRA's rules and regulations.

One of the opening passages states

YOU DON`T TELL YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, GIRLFRIENDS OR WORKMATES THAT YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE I.R.A. DON`T EXPRESS VIEWS ABOUT MILITARY MATTERS, IN OTHER WORDS YOU SAY NOTHING to any person.

So we can safely say that Martin didn't 'destroy or disrupt his code of honour to the IRA' he chucked it out the window. Say what you want about Gerry the Paedophile protector Adams, despite being a proven liar, he has kept his oath to the IRA.

I do feel sorry for $hinners, their mighty warrior is so far up England's arse it's hard to tell where his Irishness ends and his Britishness begins, but if you take Rose Hegarty's thoughts about him, then his Irishness ended 30 pieces of silver ago.

I'm just glad I was never duped.