Redefining stupid

If there's something you need done by a politician or aspiring one, now is the time to ask!

No task will be too small, no challenge too great. Why? There's a blooming election on the horizon on the way. So here's ten top things that politicians will do, as long as you don't mind them getting their picture taken.

1. Have a blocked drain because you accidently flushed a ford cortina down the khazi, no problem they'll tear it out with their bare hands if necessary.

2. Can't reach round to ensure one's posterior is clean, no problem throw a quick post on facebook and you'll have loads of helping hands.

3. Concerned about an elderly relative choking on malteaser chocolate, never fear they'll line up to suck the choclolate of those wee malty balls.

4. Need a bubble for your spirit level, or a needle for your cd player, sorted!

5. Bad hair day, no problem any time, any place, anywhere!

6. Can't get a taxi after a night out on the piss, just give them a ring first to turn up gets your vote *NB the $hinners have an advantage as they own Derry Taxis.

7. You break both arms and your balls/arse is itchy... it's scratch & sniff time.

8. People looking for your bank details outside shopping centres, just ring your local candidate and give their details, no problems.

9. Stuck in a queue for a call centre... no problems just ring your local candidate and they'll sit on the phone for you, they've got nothing better to do.

10. Unsure if the food item on the edge of it's use by date is bad for you, they'll gladly come round and do a quick taste test.

Such dedication!

Let the games begin, and I'm sure you can think of a few of your own,

Two Headlines...One halfwit

Poor $hinners, it would seem that their dirty dealings are coming back to haunt them, and just on the mouth of an election.

But lets forget about on the runs for a minute.

Never one to miss an opportunity to get some publicity regardless of who has their reputation sullied the $hinners, or in this case a specific one is making a complete tit of herself.

Shinner Martina Anderson has accused a number of Derry women of vandalising a mural, the two woman found the mural hanging off it's mount and fixed it because it was in a dangerous state. MEP Martina accused them of damaging it. The Sinn Fein representative had claimed she saw two women damaging the artwork at Little Diamond on Wednesday night, describing it as “shameful.”

Will Martina now apologise? Somehow I don't think so.

A couple of years ago a young Derry man stood accused of raping an American tourist. At the time of the alleged attack Martina issued statements condemning the 'rape' held a candleight vigil for the victim. The young Derryman accused of the attack was found INNOCENT. At the time the alleged offence was reported Anderson said 'There was shock and revulsion in the Bogside community as word of this attack spread. I would like to extend my thoughts and sympathies to the young teenage girl and her family. It must have been a very traumatic and frightening experience.

When the young man was found innocent, I wonder did Martina lead the charge to apologise? I would say she didn't, that wouldn't make for a good headline would it? Did Martina come out and say that the experience for the real victim in this case the wrongly accused Derryman must have been a very traumatic and frightening experience.

I don't think so.

I suppose what we can learn from this is that Martina Anderson is happy to grab a headline and damn the consequences to someone accused in the wrong. That Martina Anderson doesn't believe in innocent until proved guilty, and that she is a complete arse... no one is safe with people like Martina Anderson running about.